We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
