There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
