Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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