Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
