I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Couch. On fire.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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