with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I currently don't understand fingers.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
