So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
