frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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