I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
