best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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