The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize