wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
