every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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