Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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