Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
