I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Will exercising make me less horny?
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