then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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