hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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