You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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