What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
