I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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