I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
