are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
