You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
