So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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