low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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