I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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