Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize