i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
