Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
