fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
