I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
