benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
