Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my shit smells like andre
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
