i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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