my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
