Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
