Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
