U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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