Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
