Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
