White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
