I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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