I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
