dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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