I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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