i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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