no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
