I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
