She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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