It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
false alarm. still invincible.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
