She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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