just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
