Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
