K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it