I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT