Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.

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(210): View more from Texas

I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(763): View more from Minnesota

how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.

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(310): View more from California

If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning

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