I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.