Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

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(760): View more from California

Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.

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(309): View more from Illinois

The "puke-towel" started to grow something...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.

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