Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start

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  (617): Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start http://tfl.nu/p90c
  Replies (7) Good night (802) Bad night (3449)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.

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  (201): i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/ojs9
  Replies (29) Good night (1344) Bad night (6889)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.

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  (775): You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape. http://tfl.nu/xad4
  Replies (33) Good night (5189) Bad night (1179)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

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  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12952) Bad night (1486)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

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  (801): Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with. http://tfl.nu/sran
  Replies (13) Good night (2287) Bad night (3335)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick

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  (423): Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick http://tfl.nu/qnn8
  Replies (21) Good night (1565) Bad night (2207)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.

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  (717): Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl. http://tfl.nu/lse9
  Replies (8) Good night (2284) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...

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  (616): I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"... http://tfl.nu/nha2
  Replies (18) Good night (1222) Bad night (6560)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.

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  (715): Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day. http://tfl.nu/c6jk
  Replies (11) Good night (2129) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.

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  (410): It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station. http://tfl.nu/qovz
  Replies (1) Good night (560) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs

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  (704): Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs http://tfl.nu/e56e
  Replies (2) Good night (931) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He used a "food city great value" card to cut it

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  (267): he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli (267): He used a "food city great value" card to cut it http://tfl.nu/fxwe
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.

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  (410): I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money. http://tfl.nu/sp3n
  Replies (23) Good night (574) Bad night (2164)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel

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  (641): You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel http://tfl.nu/z3hp
  Replies (3) Good night (395) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.

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  (248): Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up. http://tfl.nu/1llp
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (218)

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