remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...