I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning