im six kinds of drunk right now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one