I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
